quote of the day and more on birth

Birth is the last frontier in woman's quest for freedom. A woman needs to be free to birth her babies as she chooses.  -Dr. Lorne Campbell 

I came across this quote in my Hypnobirthing book the other night and I found it to be so true. Women in America are free to do anything that men can do yet when it comes to birth, something that only women can do, we are not always free to do it how we choose. The U.S. has the 2nd worst newborn mortality rate in the developed world. American women are fighting for safer birthing options for ourselves and our newborns and we are being denied. It's pretty sad that the closest doctor who would except me as a VBA2C patient is in Tulsa. This is America, I should not have to drive two hours to give birth in a hospital! The good news is that I do not want to give birth in a hospital setting with a surgically trained doctor.   

I read this blog tonight and it really hit home. Here is the part that made me cry: 

"I was tired of accepting the “Who-gives-a-shit-about-your-feelings-you’re-just-the-incubator-anyway” attitude. I was tired of the “Is it selfish?” question about VBAC. I’m not going to get into the facts about the safety of VBAC or the risks of multiple c-section, but rather the misinformation, the lack of education is what really pisses me off. When you don’t know what you don’t know, ignorance is bliss. Like me when I was ignorant and pregnant with my first. It’s what I see over and over again. Most mothers trust their medical staff, their obstetricians. They listen to horror stories at baby showers and watch crap shows like “A Baby Story” and “Birthday” on TLC (And they call themselves The Learning Channel. What a joke!). They fear birth and let doctors induce, allowing a cascade of interventions, usually ending in cesarean section. They give up control of their bodies, their babies, their birth. So, what happens over and over again are cesarean sections that are difficult (at best) for the mother. But, she’s pushed aside to lick her wounds herself. Hushed. Coupled with the fact that many times the husband sees a healthy baby and physically healthy mother. All is good in his eyes. Time passes and she says nothing. 

I cannot watch a cesarean being performed on TV without having a physical reaction. I cry, not happy tears one usually cries when seeing a baby born, but tears of remembering my own traumatic experience. The curtain. The mom strapped down, flat on her back. The staff and husband in head to toe scrubs. The huge surgery light above. The baby is pulled out, tended to, wrapped up and showed to the mother. If she’s lucky she can lift her head just enough to give her newborn babe a kiss. I mean, she’ll have the rest of her life with him, that's enough isn’t it? Isn’t it???

It hurts my heart. It hurts my stomach. I’m not ashamed or embarrassed to say I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from my cesarean. I don't blame my OB. it is what it is. Lots of women have feelings about their traumatic birth, cesarean or even vaginal, and are afraid to voice them. It’s time to talk about it. It won’t get better on it’s own, bottled up." 

That is exactly what happens to me. It is impossible (and I'm not exaggerating) for me to watch a cesarean birth without crying. It's not like I think to myself, "oh how sad," I just immediately start crying. It triggers something inside of me without me even thinking about it and the tears start coming. I used to watch A Baby Story everyday when I was pregnant with Jude and after his birth I couldn't watch it for over a year. I didn't even know why either. I didn't understand how emotionally traumatized I was by Jude's birth until years later. I never realized that I could actually have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from my son's birth.  It seems crazy but that is exactly what it is like and I am still dealing with it. 

I'm not looking for sympathy or even understanding. What I want is for people to realize that a healthy baby is the most important thing but it is not the ONLY thing that matters. If there is one thing in this world that a women should have control over, shouldn't it be the birth of her child?